Little Devotional
by xLouderNow rjx
Summary: Literati. Song fanfic. Little Devotional by Taking Back Sunday. Sickest band ever. Sorry couldn't help myself. Read AND review please!


**Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. Rory or Jess or the song or Taking Back Sunday. But maybe if I say I do own the song then the band might want to sue me and I'll get to meet them! And Mark O'Connell, my true love. And their lawyer…yeah maybe I'll stay out of it.**

**First oneshot! On with it men!**

**"Little Devotional"**

**Well I'm blowing smoke out of your window  
And you're slipping back into your dress  
You know you were always such a lady  
I've always been impressed**

He was blowing smoke out of the window when he heard her reach for her dress. He turned to see her muttering to herself. He could tell already that this was a mistake in her mind. She was not the kind of girl that would do this. She was a lady. She was a Gilmore. He put the cigarette out and walked over to her. She was talking to herself while getting dressed.

"Stupid. Stupid. How the hell-"

"Rory."

She looked up with an expression on her face he had never seen. She looked flustered. Rory was never flustered unless she was really upset. Oh God, Rory was really upset.

"How did this happen?"

_Luke spotted her walking past him in her bride's maid dress. "Hey Rory, do you mind going to find Jess? He wanted cake and they're bringing it out now. I can go if you want but me and your mom are supposed to dance and-"_

"_No problem."_

"_I think he's up in one of the rooms."_

"_Thanks. I'll find him."_

_Rory walked toward Luke's room that he had gotten at Lorelai's inn. Jess was reading in the chair by the window. Rory was still surprised that he had come. They had spoken only a few times, slightly bitter toward each other._

"_The cake's out."_

_He looked up, surprised to hear her voice. "What?"_

"_Luke said you wanted cake. It's out."_

"_Oh. Thanks." He stayed seated._

"_You gonna get some?"_

"_Some..?"_

"_Cake, Jess!"_

"_If it's that important to you then sure." He stood up and walked toward the doorway where she was still standing._

"_It's not…important." She trailed of as he got closer to her._

"_It must have been kind of important, you know for you to come all the way up here, away from all the excitement."_

_She was nervous, he was less than a yard away from her. "Luke wanted to, um, let you know."_

"_Okay." He walked past her through the doorway, but before he could exit, she noticed his book still on the chair. "Jess."_

_He turned, not aware that he was so close. Inches from her face._

"_You…left…your…"_

_They met in the middle, neither one's common sense playing a role in the story that was slowly being written as they made there way to the bed._

"Rory-"

"At my mom's wedding Jess!"

"I know where we are."

"I came up here to tell you that the frigging cake was being served because Luke asked me to. He said you had wanted cake."

"I still want cake."

"Not the time!"

"Sorry."

"And then I came up… and then this!"

"What's the problem?"

"The problem is…Jess! You know what? I'm leaving." She headed toward the door.

"Rory."

She turned around slowly. "What?"

**But gentlemen  
They don't ask questions  
Just keep quiet  
She'll pay attention  
**

"Are you still with him?" he asked

She took a deep breath. That gave him the answer.

"Okay." He turned and lit another cigarette.

"Jess, I'm, I'm… Bye." He heard the door shut.

**  
Gentlemen don't ask questions  
We could pay attention**

He never did consider himself a gentleman.

**  
I said, "I'm gonna have myself in shambles  
Before your folks are up and looking for some answers."  
Said, "I'm gonna have myself in shambles  
Before your folks are up and looking for some answers."**

Lorelai saw her daughter walk by. She could tell she had been crying.

"Rory? Rory, what happened?"

"Nothing, just lost my…gum. Let's, uh, get some cake."

"Yeah, okay." Lorelai sighed.****

Well I pictured you in blue  
But I have to say I'm more partial to the red  
Deep, dark, and devastating  
Leaving no question as to where you've been  


She looked amazing. She was wearing a fire engine red dress. He always thought blue was the best color on her but now, he wasn't so sure. The dress obviously was meant for a date, obviously for a fancy restaurant where she didn't belong, but obviously something had happened. Her mascara was running from the tears, and her eyes were dark and devastating. She was holding her heels like she had done some running. It wasn't until she reached for her key that she noticed him. Just standing there, his back against the wall, watching her from the corner of the hallway. It had been just under a year since the wedding.

"Jess."

"Hey."

"What are you doing here?"

"Just visiting."

"Visiting?"

"Yeah."

"You know you could have called."

"Huh. You know it's funny. I think you already beat me to that."

"What?"

"I came to find out why you called last night."

"I didn't…that wasn't me, must have been another ex-girlfriend."

"Really. See I don't know anyone else that would call me and then hang up really quickly. Twice."

"I'm sorry." She said looking down.

"It's fine. So what happened?"

"Happened..? Oh, the crying right sorry. It's nothing."

"It seems like something."

"Trust me its nothing."

"You abandoned your shoes, it's obviously something."

"You wouldn't be interested."

"Try me."

She sighed. "Logan and I, we are getting married."

He took a deep breath and looked past her for a minute. "I'm failing to see the bad part here."

"I don't want to."

"Get married?"

"Yes. I just, I just don't love him anymore."

"So tell him no."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because it is what's expected of me. Its everyone's dream, everyone's plans, everyone's obligation on the 8th of November." She rolled her eyes at the last comment.

"That is seriously why."

"Well…"

"Well?"

"I'm not strong enough. And, if I did leave him he would do the 'I told you so thing'."

"The what?"

"He would say 'I knew you would leave me, I told you that. Have fun with your life with someone that doesn't even love you'."

"What?"

"He thinks I'm still in love with you."

"Really. Why is that?"

"Because I am."

**  
I calm the crowd by keeping quiet  
Move like a shadow up to your mattress  
Gentlemen don't ask questions  
We could pay attention  
**

He decided for once, he would be a gentleman, and keep his mouth shut.

He kissed her without hesitation. She kissed him back. She reached behind her and unlocked her door, and led him in.

**  
Do you think he'd be better ('Cause we're down for competition)  
Doing what I do best?  
Do you think he'd be better (This could all be on purpose)  
Doing what I do best?  
**

They stumbled into her apartment. It hit him as he was headed toward the bed with her. 'It's going to happen again. She's gonna feel like and idiot and leave again. And it's gonna hurt again. Frigging Logan!' Jess knew that he loved Rory way more than Logan ever could. He also knew that he shouldn't have to compete with anyone. He pulled away. Stupid common sense.

"Rory."

"What?" She just wanted to kiss him again.

They were both breathing heavy. "What does this mean?"

"What?"

"This. Us. What about him?" He was still inches from her face.

"Jess…"

"Rory is it gonna happen again? Is your common sense gonna kick in in the morning?"

"Screw common sense."

"You say that now." He started backing away.

"I'm sorry, Jess. Really. It's just, this is what I've wanted for months!"

"So are you gonna leave him?"

"Jess."

"God Rory! You were gonna do this whole thing and then still stay with him."

"I was- I was going to, I don't know! I'm scared! From all the reasons I already told you!"

"That's shit Rory and you know it."

"It is not! I've been dreaming of this since my mom's wedding. I did NOT want to leave, I just, Me and Logan were fighting and then when me and you kissed, everything felt right. Like all of the troubles with him were lost. I felt an obligation to say yes when he proposed, or its like he would know that I still loved you and last night, I was drunk and upset about you and I missed you! So I called you. And I wanted to tell you that I wanted to be with you and then you picked up and I remembered, God. I'm engaged. To someone who I am really growing to hate."

"Rory you can do whatever you fucking want to! Even if we never get together, you shouldn't have to marry someone you hate. That's beyond insane. I thought you were stronger than that!"

Why was he so upset? He was asking for it coming here. And kissing her. And saying this much to her. And making her stand there like that in that awful silence that fell over them.

**  
I said, "I'm gonna have myself in shambles  
Before your folks are up and looking for some answers."  
Said, "I'm gonna have myself in shambles  
Before your folks are up and looking for some answers."**

"I come bearing pizza!" Lorelai's voice boomed over the silence that just enclosed the room. Little did she know, the room was in shambles just moments before.

She looked up and immediately and accidentally met eyes with the hoodlum. "Hi, there."

"Hi." Jess answered. He said it like he had called her 'ma'am' so many moons ago before the car crash. My, how things had changed.

Not wanting to stick around, he gave Rory a look and grabbed his jacket that had been shed off the floor. And just like that, Jess Mariano left Rory's life once again.

"So. When you said you were going on a fancy date tonight, I thought you were talking about with Logan.

"I did go on a date with Logan."

"Wanna fill in the gaps?"

"No. I'm just fine thank you."

"Rory, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're engaged!"

"Thanks for the update."

"And Jess was here!"

"Again, thanks."

"How do you think Logan would feel if he knew this very important information?"

"Mom, stop it."

"I mean I know I may be saying this because Jess isn't my favorite person in the world but-"

"Ha."

"What?"

"You said that Jess isn't your favorite person in the world, but you are defending Logan, your other not favorite person in the world."

"That's not true."

**  
Do you think he'd be better  
Doing what I do best?  
Do you think he'd be better  
Doing what I do best?  
**

"It's completely true! You just sort of tolerate him because you can't wait to plan my wedding."

"Well someone has to."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You have no interest in the biggest day of your life that is coming in less than two months. You say 'Sure' when I ask you important detail questions, you refuse to go dress shopping, you forget your engagement ring ALL the time-"

"Again, mom, thanks for the update."

**  
Do you think he'd be better ('Cause we're down for competition)  
Doing what I do best?  
Do you think he'd be better (This could all be on purpose)  
Doing what I do best?**

"Alright you know what? Fine. You wanna throw your life away? Fine. You wanna ruin the potentially greatest day of your life by having an affair-"

"I am NOT having an affair with Jess!"

Again silence filled the room. It seemed to be a theme tonight. No one could get out what they needed to say.

"Whatever you say. Bye." Lorelai said throwing her hands by her side which were thrown up in the excitement. She left, and that's when Rory truly felt alone.****

I said, "I'm gonna have myself in shambles  
Before your folks are up and looking for some answers."  
Said, "I'm gonna have myself in shambles  
Before your folks are up and looking for some answers."  


There was a month until the wedding. Only a month. At the moment, they were all having cocktails at the Gilmore's for a giant dinner. Lorelai had only partly forgiven Rory and vise versa. The small talk kept rolling between Lorelai, Emily, Richard, Rory and Logan. Rory was keeping mostly to herself though, which everyone didn't think much of. She had been like that for a while now.

She was like that this particular night because of a strange phone call she had got earlier.

"_Hello?"_

"_Ro…?"_

"_Hello?"_

"_..lo??"_

"_Jess?"_

_There was static and then the line went dead._

She was almost positive that it had been Jess. She wanted it to be Jess. Why he was calling she didn't know. Did he still love her? Did he forgive her? Did he want to call to start a book club? He hadn't called since the visit. Why-

"Right, Rory?" Emily Gilmore pulled her from her thoughts

"What?"

"Are you excited for your wedding day?"

She looked around like she was lost. And then it hit her. _'You can do whatever you fucking want to."_

"No." She said quietly to herself.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, um, Grandma will you excuse us for a minute?"

"Well Rory I-"

"Thanks." And she grabbed Logan's arm and pulled him outside the intimidating front door.

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I'm sorry for what I'm about to tell you."

"Okay…?"

"I'm not in love with you anymore."

"Excu-"

"I'm not in love with you anymore and we can't get married."

"I don't under-, Oh. I know what this is about."

"No you don't. It's complicated and I'm sorry to do it this way, but it has to be done. Goodbye Logan."

She opened the door quietly, grabbed her purse from the hat rack inside and came back out again. She walked quickly to her car. Logan was still in disbelief.

"Fine! Run of with Jack, John, whatever his name is! Don't come crying back to me when he decides that he doesn't want you anymore." He called after her, but she was already in her car.

Lorelai had a feeling that something was wrong as soon as Rory had gotten to dinner. She followed Logan and Rory and right away so Logan come inside with a horrible look on his face. "Where'd she go?"

"You tell me."

Lorelai grabbed her keys and fled, following what she could see of Rory's car.

**  
Said, "I'm gonna have myself in shambles  
Before your folks are up and looking for some answers."  
Said, "I'm gonna have myself in shambles  
Before your folks are up and looking for some answers."**

It must have been from a mixture of the call last night and the waiting way too long. She also hadn't said much to Logan in a month. She knocked on his door no quite aware of what was going on in her own head. He opened it and looked at her, surprised as hell.

"Hi there."

"Rory."

"I have something to tell you."

"I'm not sure if I want to hear it."

"I get that, but it's not gonna stop me."

"Rory what are you-"

"I love you."

He didn't say anything. He just stood there like a gentleman.

"And my mom has probably found a way to find me even though I think I lost her around Route 14, but she's probably pissed and-"

"What are you doing?!" he shouted.

"I'm-"

"I mean you really expect me to-"

"No! I just…"

"Bye Rory." He said and shut the door.

She stood there. Hurt and upset, looking out the window knowing her mother would want some answers and soon. She sat on the top step look down the stairs. She had ruined it. She had waited too long. She sat there for what seemed long enough to be an appropriate mourning period and stood up to walk down the stairs That's when she heard the door open behind her.

"Rory."

She sighed and turned around. Not round two. "I shouldn't have come here, I'm sorry It's just after your call…"

"My call?"

"Yeah."

I never called you."

"What? But last night… Oh my God it was Thursday."

"What?"

"It was my dad on the phone. Shit, I am sorry Jess, I mean I still mean what I said I just though that you had-"

"Is he gone?"

"Logan? Yes."

"And your mom's on her way?"

"Yes"

"And I would kick my own ass for the rest of my life if I let you leave."

She didn't say anything. She just watched him. He looked like he was thinking. He sighed.

"Do you wanna come inside?"

"Yes. Please."

The rest was history

**Reviews are HIGHLY encouraged. Thanks for reading! Go Red Sox!**


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